Areas of focus

Tina Dayton said “You can tell how sick an alcoholic is by how crazy his wife acts.”Partners of people whom have acted out sexually (repeated, single, online or emotional) experience PTSD symptoms and end up in a very disorganized state, this is known as Betrayal Trauma. This discovery is absolutely devastating and a very painful rupture in your primary attachment that can leave you feeling disconnected, disorganized and literally feeling like you are going crazy. Partners can vacillate between wanting to move towards “your person” to be taken care of and then back to raging with anger at the break in trust and the hurt caused. Believe it or not, this is actually a normal response that your brain and body, and attachment system are beyond overwhelmed. There is a path to healing this chaotic state of being, and into a more grounded self. I look forward to being with you on that necessary journey.

Addiction to pornography is a public health epidemic due to accessibility, anonymity and affordability. Understanding first exposure, escalating behaviors, symptoms and why you are wanting to distract from physical life can provide the path to recovery. Porn addiction can include hiding, lying, preferring porn over a partner or dating, recreating porn scenes with partners, unable to stop watching regardless of consequences, amount of time and more. Shame is often associated with excessive pornography use and can cause people to hide. However, seeking support for your pornography use can lead you to a more connected and social life with those around you. 

The need for compulsive sexual behaviors can become the focal point of someone’s life leading to many negative consequences and outcomes, and still, an addict will not be able to stop. Many people struggle with this issue and often will deny they have a problem. Acting out sexually to avoid pain or ease shame, fear and loneliness, address  stressors can leave people feeling utterly broken, alone and isolated. Addiction thrives in isolation. Thus, your recovery starts when you share your story in a safe place. Together we will uncover the components of a good recovery for you, reduce shame and get you back to the person you truly are. 

In my work with couples that have either a single occurrence of infidelity or repeated from addiction, it is important to know that recovery is possible. Often people question how to move forward and there can be a great deal of shame associated with staying in the relationship which feels insurmountable. We will confront the various injuries in the relationship and develop a path of recovery together, or apart given your needs. This can be the most difficult time in a person’s life and the feelings associated with betrayal can be overwhelming in a relationship but healing the underlying emotional wounds can be done. 

In marriage and partnership a lot of us will hit the “work required” part. While it can feel daunting and uncomfortable, this is an inevitable place to land for most of us. Intimacy is not taught to us unless we grew up in homes where it was modeled. Otherwise we simply don’t talk and teach how to do it. Our space is where you can learn that words are the vehicle of the emotions, where we can implement tools to bring you into awareness of one another, understanding of experiences, what motives your partner and how to be empathetic. Earned connection is result of intentional effort towards intimacy. 

Mother Hunger® “is a term that helps a woman name the unspeakable heartbreak that emerges from missing essential elements of maternal care. When we grow up with inadequate nurturance, protection or guidance, we struggle with symptoms of depression or anxiety as we yearn for a certain type of love.” Developed by Kelly McDaniel, this work gives understanding to what a mother provides in such a profound way that when you start to fully understand what mothers provide, only then can you fully understand what you may have not gotten. Naming the unknown and misunderstood craving for love or for “something” to be filled inside of you gives us the path to healing. 

The habitual use of gaming and devices can have profound impacts on our brains, bodies and relationships. This is often noticed by increased depression, anxiety, feeling like you can’t pay attention and are easily distracted, isolation and withdrawing from connections and hobbies. Addressing disconnection and healing the overused brain are part of a healthy recovery from devices. Daily living is full of interaction with our devices, but with some intention and desire, you can reset your mind to crave connection rather than technology.  

This addiction will manifest like other addictions but rather than a substance, the addict will be overly distracted by the fantasy of love. So much of the persons daily functioning can depend on this “love” and achieving it. Signs include unable to concentrate, jealousy, low self esteem, preoccupation or obsession with a partner, jumping relationships, needing that intense feeling that happens at the beginning of a relationship, constant swinging from high emotions to low in the relationship, constantly needing affirmation from your partner to feel okay, thinking their love will solve your problems, losing your self and self care in relationships, and so on. Understanding the origin of your unmet needs and the inability to tend to them as an adult is the path to addressing this intimacy disorder.